In this my third, and potentially last, Christmas season with an overly curious toddler, I have come to terms that to an outsider, I sound like a complete lunatic. I look like a severely unhinged member of society. But, to anyone with toddlers during the Christmas season, you come to terms with using phrases or accepting defeat with certain aspects of the season that may not make sense if not being spoken to an adorable little girl running crazy through the house with a hook in her hand.
So, if this is your first holiday season with a toddler, be prepared to use any of the following outrageous phrases or exhibit any of these acts over the next few weeks. If you are a neighbor to someone with small children, don’t be alarmed if you observe the following. All is well next door; I promise.
1. There WILL be glittery poop… Because glitter is apparently delicious and is also a mandatory component of holiday decorations. Yay.
2. WHY IS BABY JESUS IN THE BATMOBILE? Or dinosaur mouth.. or hanging out with Barbie.. Nativity scenes are a recipe for disaster with small children. The pieces may look like toys… but they are not… no, no they are not.
3. Tinsel. Tinsel is in cohorts with the evil that is glitter during the holidays. If tinsel ends up consumed, well, you will be muttering a lot of things. A lot of vile things..
4. The tree is not safe. I love to have a well-decorated Christmas tree. Each ornament is placed just right and the lights are even throughout; and then the toddler comes barreling through. It’s been 36 hours since my tree has been up in my house and I am honestly worried that my tree is going to topple over. Not so slowly, each ornament that was on the bottom half has made its’ way to the top. My tree is half-naked.
5. Who am I kidding. NOTHING IS SAFE. Absolutely nothing. Now isn’t the time for fancy glass decorations or the whimsical belief that your home will resemble something that suggests adults live there. No ma’am. You have a toddler now. No more nice things!
Even though they may make you crazy, it is all worth it to see the joy in those little hooligans eyes. To see how happy they are to help with decorating for Christmas, and the sheer amazement as they discover that the adorable little glitter covered ornaments aren’t actually food, or toys. So, enjoy the mess. Embrace the crazy. Sit back with a piece of banana bread and enjoy the constant noise. Before you know it your home will be quiet, and you will long for the crazy times of the past and wish to still be fearing that the tree will come crashing down from unequal weight disbursement.
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